Hey, Hello, I am Yvonne…
As a child
I was a blond, sensitive little dreamer with shiny hair and spectacles with strong glasses. I didn’t know it , but I was in a kind of survival mode at a young age. I was afraid of everything and withdrew in my bubble. From kindergarten on I had many anxieties. The anxieties transformed into several versions every couple of years: fear of death, agoraphobia and hyperventilation. Eating disorder and social phobia. My head was working overtime. My stomach was always tangled. My body was rigid and numb. I was always in flight or freeze mode. I preferred to dream away or play with my guinea pig: no one could hurt me this way. At the age of 18 our mother left the family and I had no contact with her for years. Again, I addapted and tried to make the best of it. A dark period in my life when I look back on it.
Long after my husband and I had children, I takled raising our children and developing myself on a personal level purely on willpower and solution-oriented. I had already acquired quite a few survival techniques when I felt stuck and dumb AND I did not feel any highs or lows. Everything went through trial and error, like with anyone else…. I thought … I often noticed that what I did as a mom did not work out very well, but I did not know why. Raising children came very natural for my husband, that I saw in a glance. The connection with my mother was sadly enough, after repeated attempts from both sides, destructive for me and our family. I was able to set her and myself free with love and forgiveness. Only … I didn’t speak about everything that lived inside of me. It just did not occur to me or I did not dare to do so. As a healthcare professional, I only used my brains. I saw patterns within families. I myself, was over the age of forty when I realized that I actually couldn’t feel what was going on in my body, mind and soul . I rationalised everything I saw patterns and linked them to a conclusion, such as: I now feel anxious and therefore I have to respond so and so. I could also make up why I had reasons to be joyful or grateful, but did not feel it. Once I realized this, I didn’t want to go on like this. Not as a woman, mother and wife. Anything is better than going through life like a zombie. So I started the enterprise to go from survival into really fully living. In this point of life, I have taken all kinds of steps to get more in touch with my feelings and speak out. I dare to be vulnerable and let my heart speak. I discovered how it feels like to be a clown. It touches a pure, unpolished part in me. What a gift! Clown Fie, that’s me aswell. II suspect it is no wonder that I have worked with people and families with autism for years: From survival mode to logical thinking and visualization. This in order to support in taking steps in their lives. My head was able to follow them and their process aswell. I myself could hardly grasp my feelings in words and was barely visible as a person, just a usefull instrument.
At some period of time, the life I led and the work I did was draining me. Nowadays my lifelong personal and professional development allows me to inspire and support other people than before. My heart wants more for myself AND for you AND for your child. More support, freedom, connection, love, warmth, understanding and inspiration. Other parents and other children with autism who are highly sensitive fit in with me AND I prefer to work with the young families who still have a long way ahead of them. If there is less shade, a half full carafe and more sunlight, then the seeds we have planted will grow just fine! I now know that things don’t change until you’re ready to do the work and commit yourself with tenderness. My inner world and my environment therefore changes with me, every day . . I have grown from an unconscious person to a conscious person with heart, head and soul. I would like to share all this with you if you want to start living too.